changeless
She said to him, “I don’t want to try to fix our marriage. It’s over.” What had started with such high hopes and evident love was now a cold, lifeless thing. My friend desired to see renewal and restoration in their relationship, but his wife made it clear that the two of them had changed and that their marriage would soon end.
marriage changes you
When we’re in love, we easily overlook the flaws in the person we hope to marry. This is good when the flaw is small, but it’s bad when the flaw is more serious—such as a habit of rudely interrupting people or of not going to church. You might put up with a future spouse’s shortcoming because you think that once you’re married you’ll change the one you love. Don’t count on it. Irritations often become worse after we’re married, for our spouse is no longer trying to impress us. They’ve already won our heart.
the three Cs
I recently heard a speaker who had engaged in an immoral lifestyle in his younger years, but later received Jesus as his Savior. He now oversees a thriving ministry. In his talk, he described “three Cs” that should comprise intimate relationships.
sexual freedom
Nearly half of the children born in my country are born to unwed mothers. One million more are aborted each year. Teenagers can purchase over-the-counter “morning after” pills. Our Supreme Court has ruled that men may marry men and women may marry women, and anyone who says otherwise is injuring them. Few people think they should wait for marriage to have sex, and many who do marry still end up divorcing their spouse.
the right time
I recently officiated the marriage of a young couple. After the ceremony, the bridal party headed out for some photos prior to the reception. My wife and I were invited to the bride’s home for some sweet fellowship and treats on the family’s backyard patio. Suddenly, the mother of the bride emerged from the house with tears in her eyes. She held up her daughter’s purity ring and with a choked up voice and tender smile, uttered, “She left this on the kitchen counter.” The decision of the young woman to wear a purity ring had been an outward sign that she had vowed to remain sexually pure until marriage. Now, the ring was no longer needed.
you choose Q: is it sinful to live together after a divorce?
Q: If a man and wife divorce and decide to live together after the divorce, is that still sinful? —Jeannette
A: The question of whether it is sinful in some abstract way for a man and woman to live together outside the bounds of marriage isn’t the main issue.
Marriage is a public covenant that binds a man and woman together…
roots that drink from heaven
A man knocked on my office door and asked me if I would officiate his marriage. I asked him to sit down so we could chat about his plans, timing, and spiritual life. “Oh, I’m not sure you understand,” he said, “I’d like you to marry me today, like in the next hour.” The story is complicated, but his fiancée was from a country in Asia and was living in the US with a short-term visa. For numerous reasons he wanted to marry right away, but he didn’t want a civil authority to perform the ceremony. He wanted a church and a pastor.
heart decisions
A young woman wrote: “I’ve fallen in love with an unbeliever, but I know it’s wrong. What should I do?” One of our authors posted her question and his answer on the ODJ website.
love that dies
Renowned Christian writer Dallas Willard wrote: “The aim of God in history is the creation of an all-inclusive community of loving persons, with Himself included in that community as its prime sustainer and most glorious inhabitant.” Marriage is one way God continues to create this community.
you choose Q: what about divorce and remarriage?
Q: I’m married to a divorced man. He and his ex wife divorced because she did not beleive that there is a hell. They basically were not of the same accord spiritually. I'm just finding out I may be living in adultery. What do I do now? If I divorce him I'm sinning, and if I stay am I in…
mr. right
In an online forum, one woman wrote: “I’m single, over 30, and under pressure from parents, friends, and just about everyone around me to get married. Haven’t met the right guy, but still praying to. I’m really looking for ways to cope with this and would really appreciate sound advice.”
faith & marriage
Family members pleaded with him not to marry. But the young man wouldn’t listen. What was the family’s concern? He was a believer in Jesus; she was not. They knew that the union would dishonor God and that the two would face struggles due to disunity. They were right. One year after they walked the aisle, the couple divorced.
worth the wait
Everybody is waiting for something. What are you waiting for—employment, marriage, family peace? Imagine having to wait centuries for the fulfillment of a promise, but there was no evidence that it would be fulfilled. This was the spiritual and emotional climate during the time Jesus was born. People were waiting for God to fulfill the promise of restoration through the Messiah, but the political, social, and spiritual darkness concealed any evidence that God would keep His promise. Many people became weary of being righteous. Yet, there was a man who continued to wait and trust in God’s promise (Luke 2:25).
fallen
Because we had moved before, I didn’t consider it unusual when my dad decided to find another position and relocate us to a new city. Just 12 years old, I hated leaving the friends and life I knew, but I accepted the idea that God was calling us to something new. I didn’t know the real reason for our departure until years later. With many aware of his infidelity, our lead pastor had been engaged in a long-term adulterous affair. In good conscience, my dad, an associate pastor, could no longer remain.
